These Things Happen (or That Bastard Cat)

Here's A Little Story From The Memory Banks, Originally Posted on ProjectMhareo

It was a cold day in mid-July, the mist hung low in the air, faint squeals of a mixture between pleasure and pain could be heard in the mid-morning ruckus of the quiet suburb.

Under a rose bush, two cats living in sin where having an "intimate" moment... well as intimate as cats can be, did you know that male cats have like... hooks on their dingus so the girl cat can’t run away? Bet you didn’t, well, you do now.

These cats were a Mr K.Davour and a Miss D.ico, the pair had been having feline carnal relations for a solid 15 minutes, and if there’s one thing I can say it is Mr Davour sure does have stamina.

As long as a cat pregnancy takes later, Miss Ico was blessed with a gorgeous litter, unfortunately only one of the kittens survived, surprisingly, it was the runt of the bunch, Miss Ico decided on a name for her new kitten, she would call him Cal.

As the years passed and Cal grew up without a father, he began to ask questions on where his daddy was, his mother would tell him that his father was a marine off fighting some crazy war, Cal did not believe his mother, she had a tendency to lie, one time she told Cal not to drink out of puddles or eat yellow snow, what’s wrong with puddles and who doesn’t love the taste of yellow snow? Stupid woman he thought to himself.

SO! Cal took it upon himself to go find his father, given no clues by his mother who since having Cal and losing all the other kittens had developed a crazy bad Methamphetamine habit, so really she was no good to anyone anymore.

Cal left his little kitty home and set off down the street. A hobo pack on his little back, a head full of dreams and a head full of Kitamine, which is Ketamine for cats in case that joke was lost on you.

Cal's journey seemed to last for weeks and weeks, which it did, Cal had not eaten very well over the time of his trek so he stopped at a lake and had some laps of water, all of a sudden, a little bee buzzed past Cal's head and landed on his nose.

The bee looked at Cal with a certain obvious distaste. Cal looked back at the bee, bewildered by what he saw, the bee looked back at Cal and the two just stood staring at each other until the bee spoke,

"I am... Teh Funneh B. I'm not your average Bee. Heehee
I’m high on acid; my bee-schlong is flacid
Why the hell are you staring at me? Heeheehee"

Cal looked back at the obviously deranged bee and spoke himself,

"My name is Cal Ico, I’m looking for my father, but I don’t know how I will recognise him... my mother didn’t tell me anything about him, I’ve basically just been wandering around for weeks"



The bee, obviously touched by Cal's woeful tale, stung Cal in his nose, killing himself in the process.

Cal awoke weeks later, surrounded by singing little cats playing harps, Cal stood up and looked around, he had little kitty wings and a little halo, can you imagine that sight? Apart from it being a dead cat, don’t you think a little cat with wings and a halo would be really cute?

*collective awwww*

Cal took three cat steps forward and was greeted by a loud “OOOOOOOOHMYGODDD!”

Cal, bewildered, looked around and noticed an older looking cat, who looked like what Cal would look like in a couple of years, Cal smiled to himself, let out a squeak of glee and shouted,

“Daddy!?”

The older cat looked at Cal, and said, “Don’t be stupid ya stupid.”

Cal passed out with disbelief.

Minutes later Cal awoke to his mother’s concerned face looking down at him, Cal looked up and sighed…

“Mother, I had such a wonderful dream”
“Oh... what was it about?”
“I… I can’t remember”
“Oh well son. These things happen, now go to the hospital and have them remove some of your organs so I can sell them for Meth”